Take Care of Your Mind, Body & Sole This Mental Health Awareness Week

This Mental Health Awareness Week we want to use our platform to talk a little bit about what’s on your mind, more specifically, for men. You see, over 70% of our audience comprises of men who are young and impressionable, and it wouldn’t be a bold statement to assume that some of you are in need of help. In fact, in England, one in eight males have a mental health problem such as depression, anxiety, panic disorder, or obsessive compulsive disorder. To put this into perspective, if you have 30 guys in your class or company the chances are that more than four are likely to be suffering in silence.

Did you know that over three out of four suicides (76%) are committed by men and that it’s the biggest cause of death for men under 35? Probably not, and these figures are before any sort of pandemic took over the world and caused us all to self-isolate. While there’s no solid reason why us guys might feel like this, there’s one that hangs over like a black cloud: societal expectations.

This may sound a little “old fashioned” and that’s because expectations for men are still stuck in the 19th century. Women are expected by the public to look a certain way and wear certain things, but equally, men are expected by many to be the breadwinners of the family and to be strong and in control at all times. These aren’t “bad” things per se, but it prevents a lot go guys from speaking up and reaching out for help.

According to a survey conducted by Priory Group, about 40% of men don’t talk about their mental struggles, and it would take thoughts of suicide or self-harm to compel them to seek professional help. This also leads many of us to turn to potentially harmful coping methods such as drugs or alcohol which coincides with the statistic that more than two thirds of drug-related deaths occur in men.

We get it. These numbers are pretty scary, and while they might not directly apply to you they could concern a friend, a family member, or a loved one without you knowing. Speaking up about how you feel may seem like a taboo to some, but doing so may just end up saving your own life. With that said, we’ve spoken to several male members of The Sole Supplier team to talk about their own experiences with mental health, their personal struggles, and any advice that they might have.

Growing up in a traditional Asian household, speaking up was strictly out of the question. In fact, Asian men in particular were told to keep “silent and strong”, and growing up in a city where racism was absolutely everywhere certainly didn’t help. I can recall so many instances when someone had said something xenophobic to my dad and I and I was just told to keep my mouth shut and not say anything back. When we got home, I was instructed to not even talk about what happened and keep it to myself. Years and years of this resulted in me being a very timid and extremely quiet person who never spoke unless I was spoken to. If I was ever having any dark thoughts, I would rather keep it to myself rather than speak to someone in fear that I would “get in trouble.”

This way of thinking followed me all the way to my university days when I finally felt that I could speak up. It was through educating myself and talking to my friends that I realised that keeping quiet was not a healthy way of living, and it’s certainly not something that I would like to pass on to any children that I may have in the future. At a time when there’s so much hate towards Chinese people, it’s more important than ever for my voice to be heard, and while it’s been a pretty arduous journey, it’s good to know that someone is actually listening.

Heading into that first lockdown it didn’t feel massively different than normal. I missed visiting the office, going to the gym and the odd dinner out at the weekend but as I’m more on the introverted side I was never massively social anyway. At first it almost felt more enjoyable to not have any social obligations at all. It seemed like the perfect scenario for a hermit like me. But after more than 12 months I can safely say that I’m ready to get out of lockdown and embrace everything that goes with that.

I can definitely take the positive from the last 12 months, after all, when else can you almost totally remove yourself from society? But over time that feeling of being stress-free was replaced with feelings of anxiety, boredom and a sense that time was passing way too quickly without anything actually happening. Putting all my focus into work helped a lot but also meant the balance between working and enjoying life became way too blurred. There’s been times where I’ve felt exhausted and it’s also easy to become overly critical on yourself where’s there’s no other distractions or chances to experience something new.

Keeping a routine has been really important over this period. I always start the day by spending 10 minutes stretching before meditating for 15 minutes. Just having this peaceful time before the chaos of the working day really helps me stay grounded. Connecting with people and discussing your problems can also make all the difference. I feel extremely grateful to have an amazing wife that always listens to my problems, someone I can vent to or let them know if I’m feeling overly anxious about something. Even speaking to work colleagues can make you feel like a burden is lifted. It’s always reassuring to know that everyone struggles with their mental health at times.

When it comes to my mood I’m pretty extreme and I always need something to keep my brain balanced. Whether it’s putting my spare time into work or building up a positive habit, it’s really important that you go out of your way to find something that really fires you up and keeps your mind calm. From my personal experience it’s important to always keep your thoughts crystal clear, and things like smoking, drinking, or doing any drugs can really fog it up. These might seem like ways to escape a dark place, but they actually heightened my anxiety to a point that I could no longer even think straight. I have since been 1.5 years sober and plan to continue that, but still a conscious effort is made each day to keep my mind balanced and anxiety free.

Something that’s very overlooked when maintaining a balanced mood is eating well. Your mum wasn’t lying when she asked you to eat your greens. Things like broccoli, spinach, and kale are all scientifically proven to lower cortisol which is the stress hormone. I also take a few minutes a day to just meditate. While this might not work for everyone, if you have any anger management issues it can really help calm your thoughts. It’s a constant game of trying to find what works for you and it takes a lot of time and dedication, but at the end it’s all worth it.

I’d be lying if I said mental health was an issue that has never affected me, although you may be surprised to think it considering how much of an outgoing person I can be at most times. I’ve struggled on and off for years since my late teens, with the initial wave of depression and anxiety I suffered from hitting me after the sudden death of a close friend. I went through a long period where I just really didn’t want to get out of bed or even leave the room, it took me a long time to get back on my feet.

When I did manage to get back out and about I turned to alcohol to numb the pain, which looking back was probably one of the worst things I could’ve done. In the short term it was an escape, but in the long term all it did was create more problems and amplify my current ones. After a final breakdown several years ago I finally addressed my issues, seeking help through therapy, medication and support from family.

While medication didn’t end up working out for me (that’s not to say it’s bad - everyone can be different), I found solitude through talking about my feelings, exercising and shifting all my energy into my hobbies. I’m now happier than ever, although I can’t express how much I wish I had dealt with my problems earlier - if you’re struggling don’t be afraid to speak up.

I’d say my first struggles with mental health happened in my early twenties. Despite having a solid group of friends and family around me gradually depression managed to seep its way in and out of my life for years to come. Often appearing out of the blue, it could hit even when there wasn’t necessarily a catalyst in my life to cause it. A lot of the time I just put it down as a case of the “winter blues” but as these depressive episodes started getting more frequent and prominent I realised it might be an issue.

Often I just kept it bottled up because I didn’t want to seem like I was putting a downer on things and as a man unfortunately there is still a stigma you’re “weak” if you talk about your feelings, which now of course I realise isn’t true at all. I’d use the gym and martial arts as an outlet for for suppression, and while it did help it was never going to be a long term solution and it didn’t really help me understand why I was feeling the way I did.

After a little while and particularly bad period I decided enough was enough and decided to see a therapist for the first time and its probably one of the best things I ever did. I attended weekly session for around 12 weeks and just put it all on the line. The good, the bad, the things I thought were embarrassing, she heard it all and never once passed an ounce of judgement. I’d say to anyone struggling with mental health the most important thing is talk to someone because nothing ever good comes from having a stiff upper lip.

I feel that the key to maintaining good mental health in my own experience is acknowledging how human and vulnerable you can be. You aren’t going to be invincible to the hardships and realities of the world and you don’t have to act like everything is fine and it’s okay to cry or look for support. It’s just about being able to have the mentality to eventually get up and try again or move on.

Surround yourself with good people who have good intentions for you to be better. If that doesn’t work, know what it takes to be your best friend because you are the only one in the driver’s seat of your life. How you talk to yourself is key to good mental.

Chances are you’re probably reading this article on your phone, so instead of encouraging you to read a series of books or watch a bunch of videos, we’re going to recommend a few handy things that you can do right now to educate yourself on your mental health. From Instagram accounts to apps, here are just a few ways that can help you take care of your mind and maintain a positive outlook. Before you do though, next time you ask your mate “How are you?” try asking “How are you really?” instead. The discussion that follows may just save a life.

CALM

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Calm

Calm is the #1 app for Sleep, Meditation and Relaxation. Join the millions experiencing better sleep, lower stress, and less anxiety with our guided meditations, Sleep Stories, breathing programs, stretching exercises, and relaxing music. Calm is recommended by top psychologists, therapists, and mental health experts. Download here.

Cove

Cove is trusted by doctors and therapists as a safe and secure way to look after your mental health. It can be used any time, but may be most useful when you find it difficult to express yourself through other means, such as talking or writing. You can use Cove whenever you feel like it. You can make music by yourself, or share what you make with others. Download here.

Headspace

Headspace is your guide to mindfulness for your everyday life. Learn meditation and mindfulness skills from world-class experts like former monk and Headspace co-founder Andy Puddicombe. Choose from hundreds of guided meditations on everything from managing stress and everyday anxiety to sleep, focus, and mind-body health. Build your practice your way with meditations for every experience level and lifestyle — including short, 3-minute sessions that fit seamlessly into a busy schedule. Download here.

SAM

SAM has been developed by a university team of psychologists, computer scientists and student users. Established methods of self-help have been combined with high standards of usability to provide an engaging, flexible, and practical resource. Download here.

Stay Alive

Stay Alive is a pocket suicide prevention resource, packed full of useful information to help you stay safe. You can use it if you are having thoughts of suicide or if you are concerned about someone else who may be considering suicide. Download here.

Youper

Youper is therapy for everyone - self-guided, private, and less than 1% of the cost of traditional therapy. Created by therapists, Youper combines Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy with Artificial Intelligence (AI) to make therapy accessible for everyone. Download here.

CALM

Phone: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm - 12am)

Website: www.thecalmzone.net

Mind

Phone: 0300 123 3393 (9am - 6pm Monday to Friday) or text 86463

Website: www.mind.org.uk

Rethink Mental Illness

Phone: 0300 5000 927 (9.30am - 4pm Monday to Friday)

Website: www.rethink.org

Samaritans

Phone: 116 123 (24 hours a day)

Website: www.samaritans.org

Saneline

Phone: 0300 304 7000 (4:30pm - 10:30pm)

Website: www.sane.org.uk

The Mix

Phone: 0808 808 4994 (11am - 11pm)

Website: www.themix.org.uk